Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Power of One

One teardrop glistening down the windowpane.

One butterfly perched on the back of a garden chair, the day after David died.

One bloom on my mother's hibiscus plant. I was presented with this lipstick pink bloom on Mom's birthday a number of years ago. It hadn't bloomed in the two years previous and hasn't bloomed since.

One chickadee at my feeder. As you know I haven't had any birds at my feeders this winter.

The other night I had gone to bed obsessing about wanting, needing to dream of David.  I had read that if you focus on a person before going to sleep, you will dream about him/her. Makes sense, however I was so obsessed with forcing my thoughts back into our memory bank, that I prevented myself from falling asleep, my mind going round and round in circles. And the dream never came, of course. So, I made up my mind in the morning,as I took my cup of coffee over to the window, to just let things happen naturally, in the time they are meant to. With that thought in mind, the chickadee appeared! That was February 4th and I haven't seen any since.

One person living in
One house
One person driving
One car
One place setting at the kitchen table
Cooking for One

One can mean aching Loneliness; a river of tears washing down grief-stricken cheeks. Sad, alone, empty,  unbearably quiet, echoing rooms.

Yet One can mean Solitude, getting-to-know-oneself in the depth of that stillness, a time of reflection, of learning to stand alone, of  listening to the gentle inner voice of....One being.


Hilary said...

You are One person I admire greatly. Your strength and introspection are so admirable and inspiring.

I wish you more chickadees, more dreams of David, more blooms and fewer tears. Hugs to you, Wendy.

jojo said...

One woman hundreds of miles from where you are, wiping away tears as she reads your bittersweet post. There IS power in one...blessings to you dear one.

Cheryl said...

My dear Wendy, one person sending you healing thoughts and hugs.

I respect you so much. Your writings are so moving, they would be so helpful to all those that grieve for a loved one.

Tku once again for sharing with us your innermost feelings.

I have emailed you several times only for it to be rejected.
I will keep trying........

Maggie May said...

That was a very moving post!
You are a very brave lady and I hope that you will be able to extend some days to include others. Not the same as with David perhaps, but just to take yourself out of the aloneness for some of the time.
Heres hoping.....
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Anonymous said...

Dear Wendy...your posts are very touching. I hope you see David in your dreams. And that you see the chickadee suddenly appearing.

My thoughts and prayers will always be with you.

The Good Cook said...

One woman to another one woman wishing it wasn't so. But it is.
One strong woman
One love
One Life
that is only ours to live.
One hand reaching across the miles to touch yours.
One who understands.


Grammy said...

Dear Wendy, You are living though my fears. It may be easier for me. Because, He is still here yet I miss him. You have all the beautiful memory's. I know it must be hard to be just one. It is a job I some times wish to resign from. To be in control of every choice. You should try a wisdom journal. or healing art journal. It will awake healing and give you some answers. I have an example on forever changing.
But it too occupy your creative mind. Helps you get though allot.
Big hug.

Cheryl said...

Dear Wendy, just to let you know I have been using the new address you gave me. It just returns my mail and tells me it is blocked!!
I will keep trying but if you do not hear from me you will know why.

I am going away at the weekend for a weeks holiday with Mr P......

Hugs X

Rose said...

Such a poignant post, Wendy. I hope that the solitude is helping you to find that gentle inner voice and the reflection is helping you to get stronger every day.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Yes ONE can be a lonely number ---yet at times ONE can be a good thing.... I was single for 20 yrs. after my divorce... Once the kids grew up and were gone, I learned to do what you say: cook for one; learn to stand alone and stand up for myself; and be happy with my life and make the best of it (which I did)....


JeanMac said...

Wendy I feel for you and send loving thoughts your way.

Q said...

Dear Wendy,
May the Angels hold you when you are cold and may your memories continue to help you find the happy and funny moments.
I am so happy a Chick-a-dee found your feeder. Soon the snows will melt and the bees and butterflies will return. Soon you will have long walks and flowers. I know you miss David so very much. Your love is strong and will not fade away. David is only a thought away.
Give yourself a hug from me.
Happy March.

Gee'sWorld said...

love your writings!